Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Love list

Lists.
You make them daily or perhaps only prior to your grocery store trip. Some find lists tedious and stupid, others find them a stellar method of organization. I think most people who shy away from list making are simply afraid of disappointing themselves when/if they don't accomplish everything on said list. The beauty of making your own list, it's yours. YOU set the rules. You don't have to finish everything on the list, it's just a method to get all the monkey madness in your brain in some semblance of order.
Have you ever done this for the mate you're looking for? Take out that notebook right now, and write it down. Write down 100 things you want in your future love. No rules here, you can be as specific or general as you wish, but do it. No, it's not going to guarantee that you find that person will all 100, in fact you won't. But what it will do is make it concrete for you, and you might even start to 'put out there' what you want in a way that is not tangible but very real on a spirit level. You have nothing to lose, it won't take more than a few minutes. Make it fun, do it with a girlfriend over a glass of malbec.

Say it out loud, laugh, surprise yourself, educate yourself, create your SELF.

As I pounce through the streets of DC, I'll occasionally mention some items from my list. Here are a few to get your started:
-Cooks a killer omelette, so spicy it makes cry
-Honest
-Communicative
-Likes to dance, even if he's not 'good' by society's standards (like I ever cared about those standards as it is...)
-Smiles with his whole soul

Where did I come up with this you ask? Full disclosure, I didn't. I read it in a magazine somewhere, and only have an excerpt to share with you (below). Basically this woman had a very successful career as an art dealer, had been dating off and on, and then met a man, Aubrey, who melted her heart. They were having a grand old time until one day, when she questioned their relationship. He had been upset about the hours of her work of late, and she was upset that he was not respecting her career....

"Aubrey sat back in his chair. "Maybe I'm not the right man for you," he said, half making a statement, half asking a question.

"Maybe you're not!" I crossed my arms, feeling defiant, but in the next second I regretted the whole ridiculous discussion. What were we talking about? I thought I had met the man of my dreams, and we were about to throw the whole thing out the window over an absurd argument. Closing my eyes, I suddenly saw a mental picture of "the list." It had been in the back of my closet for five years. What would Aubrey think of the list?

"I have an idea," I said. I left the kitchen, and several minutes later I came back with the list in my hand. I held the small sheaf of papers out to him. "Read this, and you decide if you are the right man for me." I turned on my heel and marched down the hallway to my room, as if following stage directions.

Months earlier....
"You must describe the person down to the color of the socks!"

I wanted to laugh. Color of the socks?

"You will make your list, and then you will put the list away for safekeeping. What you are doing is making clear for yourself exactly the person who will be right for you, and then you will be directing the request into the universe to send that person to you. Do you understand?"

I nodded. But I didn't understand at all. The idea that somewhere in the universe was a person just right for me—someone who would respond to all the things that were important to me and with whom I could share my life—seemed impossible. Yet in spite of the painful experiences of the past, I had always lived my life as if all things were possible. Why wouldn't I try making the list?

At home I climbed into my four-poster bed with a yellow legal pad. I was amazed by how easy it was to write the list. I began with the definitive idea that he must be "at peace with himself." Then I listed everything, from good family relationships to intelligence and a sense of humor, to sex, religion, money, music, books, gardening, sailing, dancing, fishing, and on and on—down to dark gray socks.

Satisfied that I had done my part, I put the list in the back of my closet.

Back to the kitchen...
After about 15 minutes of waiting for Aubrey's answer, he walked into my room with the list in his hand. He had tears in his soft blue eyes. We looked at each other for several seconds before he spoke.

"I missed two," he said, holding up the list. Then, smiling, he added, "There are many things you have on this list that are true about me that you could not possibly know."

I wanted to laugh out loud. Instead I jumped up and threw my arms around him. I felt jubilant. Whatever doubts I harbored that he might have missed many more than two, I knew that the point was that he thought he missed only two. I had given my list to the universe and the universe had sent me Aubrey.
"
-Alice Groman

Would love to hear bits and pieces from your list, feel free to post in comments!

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