Little quiet, but not for long

Puma in DC has been quiet. It's DC's fault, folks have high-tailed it outta here for the holidays, and the sharp chill in the air has this woman pretty unmotivated to prowl around.
I've been content prepping for a trip out of town myself, see my besties for some fun in the sun. I am pretty sure my mojo will be unleashed by the very nature of leaving that which is familiar. It's somehow always easier to release the wild child when you know there's almost no possibility of being seen. Not that I do anything illegal, but it is a small district we have here.
Case in point, on my way out from the gym, ran into green shirt. Yes, I have managed to avoid him since that first (and last date). I had a slightly uncomfortable moment when he 'friend requested' me on FB. I figured, why not, it's not like I am going out with him again, my silence surely painted the reality of that picture for him, which is why I was perplexed with his interest in friend requesting. If he really does want to be friends, cool, but we all know how fluid that term friend is when it comes to FB. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, and there was no way to escape. The paper towel I was tugging at just wouldn't give and he walked right up to me as I struggled with it.

The first (online) date goes offline

Delete. Right? Well I did, and then IM (Irresponsible Man, the one who never called to formally cancel date due to snow storm) stepped up, a little bit. As I left work last night, he texted me to ask when was a good time for me to talk. I like that, respect for my time, asking first, all good things. I let him know I’d be out and he asked me to ring him at my convenience.
I was out last night, yes. I sorta held out on you guys --I had my first ever match.com date last night. And I lived to tell! And I don’t have a horror story to tell you either!
I’ve been emailing with a few of these potentials, and only 2 have really been at the forefront IMO. One being RIM (Recovering Irresponsible Man, per above), and the other being the guy from last night, who for time being we’ll call Sporty, because, well he’s pretty sporty!
As I was walking to the neighborhood pub to meet him, I ended up running into him. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief;

Just follow through dudes...

So how was that blind-friend date thing? It was as I expected, I was not physically attracted to him , but really enjoyed a good time. I always find it interesting to meet someone who is focused on what they want and able to articulate it with passion and vigor.  We talked about a lot, from work to personal space and growing up, it was a good time...and as I was walking home, I started thinking about what I would have done had I not made plans that evening. Basically I started taking an honest look at how comfortable/lazy I have gotten in my comfort zone. When did I become a home body? Is it the winter weather? Probably partly so. But I also think that it's been hard to motivate, I value rest and unwinding and I suppose since I am in the midst of a huge life change, I am slightly justifying my home-body-ness. That said, I did go out and do it, and I could have very well canceled. Am I trying to find myself some pats on the back? Maybe. Heh.

Back to match.com - so the first date I was supposed to have was to be Saturday. And seeing how we were buried under piles of the white stuff, I knew the date was not going to happen. But did this potential match email to cancel? Was he responsible? Nope. I was, however, and emailed 2x, once prior to the storm, and once during. Nada. Zip. Zero. And when I logged on Sunday morning to delete a bunch of messages, he had not only 'viewed me' but also been logged on in the past 24 hours. Delete.

Fast forward to Monday night,

Strategic energy

I called NMM back on my way to the gym last week, and he not only picked up, but went on and on about how he was thrilled to finally hear my voice
“Hold on, oh my, hold on, let me sit down , is this really you, your voice”.

Super duper dramatic, and kinda cute. We chatted and he told me that he’s been soooo busy the last 3 weeks and not had a minute to spare, and now he wants to see me. Well that’s convenient. Not. I told him (the truth) that I’m going home for the holidays and then off to the left coast for some fun in the sun, with only a smattering of days here and there actually in the District. Of course the few nights that I am free, which I did offer up, he’s working and also lives about 2+hrs away. Sunday is his only day to ‘hang’ and I already had plans tonight that I was not about to cancel. Not for him anyway. Now, granted, he does not owe me anything, and the beautiful thing is that I DON’T EITHER. We were never in a relationship, we were just dating, and a few dates at that. That said, I did like him, found him incredibly attractive, charming and engaging on a few levels.

I can’t see it evolving unless we spend more time together, either in person or via phone and since neither one of those can happen, it’s best for me to leave options open. This is the key. We have to think about maximizing our time, be strategic about our energy, it’s precious.  Limited. Finite. I don’t spend every waking minute dating (thank goodness), and have so many things that I devote my energy to, things that are just as important as a love life. Wait, more important than a love life. What’s that you say?

Paris made me date online

Called NMM back last night, left him a brief VM. Back and forth the volley continues. Also heard from another online prospect, might do the coffee thing next week. Speaking of online…I mentioned in an earlier post my hesitations with doing the whole online thing…my hesitation goes back to earlier this summer…

            July 15, Paris train station, very, very early morning:
            Brother: So you haven’t had a date since May?
            Me: Nope.
            Brother: Seriously, what’s the big deal, why don’t you try online, lots of people are on match.com?
            Me: I dunno, I just feel like I’ll be SO OUT THERE.
            Brother: Uh ya, that’s the point! Listen, I’ll try this whole meditation thing if you go online, that’s a fair deal.
            Me: thinking, wow, my bro, meditate? He must really mean it, must really want me to give it a shot, he’s that confident about it that he’s willing to throw himself on a zafu! Crap, no way outta this.

He called

Non man-man called.
I. am. so. excited.
Not.
You see, thing is, he lost it with the texting. Sexy texting banter is one thing. Calling me 'your woman' after not actually calling or SEEING me for 3 weeks is not sexy. Or interesting.

It started like this:
Non man-man (NMM): Hiiiii Where have you beeen? Why have you disappeared? Don't you care anymore?
that was Friday.
On Monday I replied:
ME: Hi, how are you? Been busy with some transitions in life! Me? You're the one with the vanishing act :)
NMM: Congrats on the transitions!!!! On to the next phase of your life!!!

Me - no response. I didn't respond, and then that same night, he called. See, games. I let it go to voicemail. He left a nice message, and I have to say he has one sexy voice. Deep, like a man...but not, as you know by now.  Now here's the dilemma, calling back? I am one of those people, I call you back. You call me, I call you back. BUT I don't want to see NMM anymore. I want to give some other men (or so I hope they are men) a chance. I don't feel that desire. Luckily for me, I'm so busy and out of town that I can't really set a date if he asks, and knowing him, if we set a date, he'll cancel. So I just decided, I will call but I won't commit, there is nothing to commit to!

Besides, I may just have an online date coming up soon....

Game, set, Match?

Game, set, Match?

It's a game, we all play them, albeit sometimes unwillingly, but we play nonetheless. Sometimes the games of dating cross the line, and sometimes they're just flirtatious fun. Volleying back and forth, increasing tension, attaction and desire. Thus far, I've managed to step on court and find my own balls to play with, or rather they've rolled onto my court so to speak. Many of my friends have been doing the online dating thing for a while, many with great success...one year I went to 3 weddings where the couples had met online. And they seemed good, not like a square peg in a round hole or anything. They seemed like they vibed.

For whatever reason, I've been ridiculously hesitant to plunge in. I viewed it as a failure on some level, of my ability to just serendipitously meet someone. But more and more I'd been toying with the idea, and re-framing my view to that which embraced this as just another method and a viable one at that, to meet someone. I also for some reason figured there may be less of the-crossing-the-line game playing. Whoah mama I was wrong.

Too many places...

Having returned from a whirlwind trip to NYC, I started to wonder....where are the men in DC?
Let me rephrase that, where are the attractive men in DC?

In NYC, nearly every bar, restaurant, shop and street corner seemed to be teaming with hot men. I realize the sheer number of people in NYC contributes to this fantastic phenomenon, but I do recall a few years back having a better situation in DC. Granted, back then there were less places to go.

You had Local 16, Chi-Cha, ESL, Russia House and then the newcomers (not so new anymore) Wonderland, Marvin, Napoleon. I think that's it, there are TOO many places to go in this city...errrr district. NYC is the five fingered hand, DC is the thumb, and barely at that. I didn't even mention the hotel bars, they're sprouting up faster then a chia pet!

If you have some locations that regularly house the attractive-opposite-sex, I am all ears. Women have been eye candy for so many years, don't feel bad about wanting the same ladies!

By the way, non-man-man has texted - NOT called - once again! Actually twice...on the way home from NYC to let me know that he was going to call me Sunday night. "Was" as in never did. I actually forgot (he's so off my radar) until I received another text this afternoon, informing me that he was out of town until later this week and he misses me. Really? Misses me, having known me for 3 short dates? Misses me enough to not call me or make plans to rendez-vous? Please. What he's missing is a set of balls. Seriously.
Next up, my foray into the online dating world.....

Clean slate= No such thing?

Clean slate...well not really. No. such. thing.
I often wake up thinking I'm going to start the day fresh, brand new. And while there's a morsel of truth in that, can you ever really wipe the slate clean?

They say it's a good goal to have, strive to start anew from the day before, the month before, the year before. But is it always a bad thing to not have a completely clean slate? Don't some of those lingering chalk marks serve as a reminder, or even an indicator of how to proceed? I think so...

It's the lack of clean slate that has helped me with navigating the dating world, to which I am fairly new, you see. Last year marked the end of a very long and often tumultuous relationship, and while I heard dating tales from friends, I hadn't really experienced them for myself. What I did learn over the years is how to connect with my values and act on them. The 'old' me would have probably called non man-man by now, or even text again by now. The only time I think about him or the non-situation is when friends ask...oh ya him, he's not in the picture anymore. I won't lie, there was a little voice that questioned my actions, what did I do to contribute to the non-situation with him. Maybe I should have just ripped off his clothes after the second date like I wanted to, and then the stronger voice told meek voice to shut the f-up. It doesn't matter that I didn't do 
the deed early on, which is my normal MO, and in fact, it likely would have made it more complicated. I do think though there certain types of men that I can have that relationship with, the casual deed if you will.

Man-man was not one of those types though, which is why I didn't move forward with it. It's been years since I've had the old pair and spare. What's that you say? A few years ago, after a disappointing evening out, I grabbed a cab home, only to be schooled in pair and spare...

Love list

Lists.
You make them daily or perhaps only prior to your grocery store trip. Some find lists tedious and stupid, others find them a stellar method of organization. I think most people who shy away from list making are simply afraid of disappointing themselves when/if they don't accomplish everything on said list. The beauty of making your own list, it's yours. YOU set the rules. You don't have to finish everything on the list, it's just a method to get all the monkey madness in your brain in some semblance of order.
Have you ever done this for the mate you're looking for? Take out that notebook right now, and write it down. Write down 100 things you want in your future love. No rules here, you can be as specific or general as you wish, but do it. No, it's not going to guarantee that you find that person will all 100, in fact you won't. But what it will do is make it concrete for you, and you might even start to 'put out there' what you want in a way that is not tangible but very real on a spirit level. You have nothing to lose, it won't take more than a few minutes. Make it fun, do it with a girlfriend over a glass of malbec.

Say it out loud, laugh, surprise yourself, educate yourself, create your SELF.

As I pounce through the streets of DC, I'll occasionally mention some items from my list. Here are a few to get your started:
-Cooks a killer omelette, so spicy it makes cry
-Honest
-Communicative
-Likes to dance, even if he's not 'good' by society's standards (like I ever cared about those standards as it is...)
-Smiles with his whole soul

Where did I come up with this you ask? Full disclosure, I didn't. I read it in a magazine somewhere, and only have an excerpt to share with you (below). Basically this woman had a very successful career as an art dealer, had been dating off and on, and then met a man, Aubrey, who melted her heart. They were having a grand old time until one day, when she questioned their relationship. He had been upset about the hours of her work of late, and she was upset that he was not respecting her career....

"Aubrey sat back in his chair. "Maybe I'm not the right man for you," he said, half making a statement, half asking a question.

"Maybe you're not!" I crossed my arms, feeling defiant, but in the next second I regretted the whole ridiculous discussion.